What makes you happy?

That is a question I have been asking myself for a long while. I keep thinking of the movie The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. If you have not seen please go now and watch it but I warn you now that you will cry. At one point in the movie Benjamin Button says:

For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

This has stuck with me, lodged it's way into the deep recesses of my mind. When I feel overwhelmed or discontent it bubbles up and plays like a broken record. I ask myself what it is at the root of my problem. I know that no one else can solve it but me. I can ask for advice and complain about it. The truth is I have the answer inside of me and all I have to do is be brave enough to ask the question. What makes me happy? I close my eyes and just let my mind float until I see the answers. For me my family comes first. I love them. Then I picture writing and my soul hums because even if I turn out to be horrible at it. I love it. I love creating people and lives and stories. So even if it is always just for me, it is mine. Then a cow with dark eyes with a sweet disposition chewing her cud. Colorful chickens pecking at the green grass. Creating whether is sewing, crocheting, painting, or any other thing that comes up. For the record my dogs, and the idea of sheep also make the list. What does not is school. I spend a lot of time stressed about it and most of the time I am left slightly dissatisfied with a class.

So what can I do to help my self? I  switched from an English major working towards a BA to a general AA. I do enjoy learning but I feel like the literature classes online leave the learning up to me. There is very little direction so I spend a lot of time researching topics, how to write a critical paper or what I should be gaining from reading a Shakespeare play. I have been thinking, praying, and discussing this with my husband for months.  About an hour after the decision was made I felt a great relief as if the weight was lifted. I know I made the right choice. So instead of a slow and steady pace for the next 8-10 years I will be finished with my AA next year.

Be brave friends. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again. Find what makes you happy and go for it.

I hope that your day is filled with inspiration, love, and laughter. Be well my friends.